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Okay, so perhaps I'm being a little dramatic, but I have a right to feel that way. (Dramatized and sensationalized news to make you read what I wrote (which, sadly, I'm not selling). Yellow journalism! Why wasn't that on my quiz?!)
Since I was young, I've always felt this tremendous pressure -- never mind if it were real or imagined, if it were from outside or from within -- to be flawless, to do the right thing. I don't know why, but I've strived to live up to that. I've wanted, as long as I could remember, to be the best. Not the best I could be, but THE best, and at everything, which I think is why I tried to throw myself into so much. A straight-up overachiever. And when I was young, and it was most of what I did, I had to be the best at school. I wouldn't accept anything less than an A from MYSELF, never mind what anyone else thought. I had to compete just to keep up with my classmates. Such praise and rewards were showered upon me when I did well; why wouldn't I continue, why wouldn't I feel pressure to continue?
That's part of the reason I was so shaken up when calculus beat me down the way it did. A B? In math? For Venus?! Absurd!
Mercifully, calculus is in the past, but this semester isn't. As far as I can tell, I'm about a third of the way through, which means I've still got a HUGE chunk left, but I'm starting to screw up already.
I got my macro exam back today. I got a forty-three of fifty. While that translates to an A- (curved, of course, cuz there's no WAY an eighty-six means an A- otherwise), I'm still uneasy. One of the questions I got wrong was my fault; I honestly didn't know the answer. One of the questions ws tricky in its wording, however, and threw off most of the class. WTF. D: I might not be complaining so much if I'd gotten a forty-five, which is a real A. I HAVE to kick myself to work harder and pray that I'm not half-asleep the morning of the exam next time. D:
I also just got out of a history quiz. Not only was I not the first to finish, but I stared at the first two questions HARDCORE. Something like, "during the Gilded Age, most of the Democratic votes came from which region of the country?" with three choices, and the Republican party, with the same three choices. The third choice was that there was no regional variation, but there was. ... I just had trouble remembering which was which.
I tried to think it out: the Republican party is (and always has been) the party of business, so I'd think that'd be more in the northeast and midwest, which is what I think I put, but I looked at the questions for so long, I don't even know anymore. So I either got an eight or a ten. I'll find out Wednesday, but the next forty-eight hours will be nerve-wracking for me. AUGH. I hate all this uncertainty!
In about two hours -- I should really get a move on -- I have a soc quiz. I'm not prepared for this at all, and I admit that, so I'm going to try to get some cramming in. But it's hard, and I think that when I finally unravel in soc, the floodgates will open.
Prof. Gilleaudeau told us to stay away from negative people this morning, but he never told us what to do if we're the negative people. ;-; I was too afraid (and slightly embarrassed) to ask.
"Theories of socialization" is the theme of tonight's quiz, and I know that there are five, but as of yet, I can't name them, and I have no IDEA what they're about (especially not when I was looking over my textbook after I finished studying for the history quiz -- epic fail -- and thought they all sounded pretty similar). I'm screwed! When I get this back in three weeks (at least, because that's how long it's taken for the last one, i.e., I still haven't gotten it back yet), WITHOUT quantification, I'm gonna cry. I know it. There's gonna be red ink all OVER the stupid thing.
Oh, there it is. Midterm panic. Right on the first of October. Excellent! ... I wanna go home now. :::curls up and sleeps:::
I discovered yesterday that I will never be fully independent. I will always need something from someone. I'm not talking about basic stuff, like going to the store for groceries, but I couldn't live on my own. I couldn't survive on my own if I tried. I'm not a grown-up and never will be. I'm just a child, and I'm gonna be handed off from my parents to the poor shmuck I wind up with one day. Lucky him, huh. Despite my efforts towards perfection, the only thing I've been perfect at is falling short. :::stab:::
I'm lonely. I need a real friend. Someone physical. I love you guys in Internetland, and as much as I know you're real people somewhere on the end of another computer, I just need hugs, not comments. And I want my video game. D:
Since I was young, I've always felt this tremendous pressure -- never mind if it were real or imagined, if it were from outside or from within -- to be flawless, to do the right thing. I don't know why, but I've strived to live up to that. I've wanted, as long as I could remember, to be the best. Not the best I could be, but THE best, and at everything, which I think is why I tried to throw myself into so much. A straight-up overachiever. And when I was young, and it was most of what I did, I had to be the best at school. I wouldn't accept anything less than an A from MYSELF, never mind what anyone else thought. I had to compete just to keep up with my classmates. Such praise and rewards were showered upon me when I did well; why wouldn't I continue, why wouldn't I feel pressure to continue?
That's part of the reason I was so shaken up when calculus beat me down the way it did. A B? In math? For Venus?! Absurd!
Mercifully, calculus is in the past, but this semester isn't. As far as I can tell, I'm about a third of the way through, which means I've still got a HUGE chunk left, but I'm starting to screw up already.
I got my macro exam back today. I got a forty-three of fifty. While that translates to an A- (curved, of course, cuz there's no WAY an eighty-six means an A- otherwise), I'm still uneasy. One of the questions I got wrong was my fault; I honestly didn't know the answer. One of the questions ws tricky in its wording, however, and threw off most of the class. WTF. D: I might not be complaining so much if I'd gotten a forty-five, which is a real A. I HAVE to kick myself to work harder and pray that I'm not half-asleep the morning of the exam next time. D:
I also just got out of a history quiz. Not only was I not the first to finish, but I stared at the first two questions HARDCORE. Something like, "during the Gilded Age, most of the Democratic votes came from which region of the country?" with three choices, and the Republican party, with the same three choices. The third choice was that there was no regional variation, but there was. ... I just had trouble remembering which was which.
I tried to think it out: the Republican party is (and always has been) the party of business, so I'd think that'd be more in the northeast and midwest, which is what I think I put, but I looked at the questions for so long, I don't even know anymore. So I either got an eight or a ten. I'll find out Wednesday, but the next forty-eight hours will be nerve-wracking for me. AUGH. I hate all this uncertainty!
In about two hours -- I should really get a move on -- I have a soc quiz. I'm not prepared for this at all, and I admit that, so I'm going to try to get some cramming in. But it's hard, and I think that when I finally unravel in soc, the floodgates will open.
Prof. Gilleaudeau told us to stay away from negative people this morning, but he never told us what to do if we're the negative people. ;-; I was too afraid (and slightly embarrassed) to ask.
"Theories of socialization" is the theme of tonight's quiz, and I know that there are five, but as of yet, I can't name them, and I have no IDEA what they're about (especially not when I was looking over my textbook after I finished studying for the history quiz -- epic fail -- and thought they all sounded pretty similar). I'm screwed! When I get this back in three weeks (at least, because that's how long it's taken for the last one, i.e., I still haven't gotten it back yet), WITHOUT quantification, I'm gonna cry. I know it. There's gonna be red ink all OVER the stupid thing.
Oh, there it is. Midterm panic. Right on the first of October. Excellent! ... I wanna go home now. :::curls up and sleeps:::
I discovered yesterday that I will never be fully independent. I will always need something from someone. I'm not talking about basic stuff, like going to the store for groceries, but I couldn't live on my own. I couldn't survive on my own if I tried. I'm not a grown-up and never will be. I'm just a child, and I'm gonna be handed off from my parents to the poor shmuck I wind up with one day. Lucky him, huh. Despite my efforts towards perfection, the only thing I've been perfect at is falling short. :::stab:::
I'm lonely. I need a real friend. Someone physical. I love you guys in Internetland, and as much as I know you're real people somewhere on the end of another computer, I just need hugs, not comments. And I want my video game. D:
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We're...relatively close! Not this week (unless you're going to MangaNext) but soon we can get together for dancing and much moral support <3
And if it makes you feel better I have a feeling I'll never be able to live alone either...ugh...(I have to be told to do nearly everything -_-;;)
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