Back for a moment.

[venusplz]

I wanted to stay hidden from the world until I figured things out. It doesn't look like that's going to happen soon, so I'm not quite out of hiding yet.

I was a mess, you guys. I cried myself to sleep (and sometimes just cried) most of that first week, and when I had the chance to, I would sleep sixteen hours. I didn't eat, and nearly fainted once for it. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. I broke down at work every day: I'd just sit in the back of the frame shop and cry. Sometimes, I couldn't make it to the frame shop, and I couldn't always hide my eyes.

Last week, I thought I was going to start feeling better. I started to e-mail a few people, and leave my phone on for the odd text message. I've received quite a few responses, but the response to one of the e-mails was not what -- or delivered in the way that -- I was expecting.

There were implications before, and there are implications again. And now, who knows what's next? I certainly don't. I'm not sure how well I can handle being in suspense again, especially when this time, I don't know if what's coming is bad or good. If I thought I was nervous before, I had no idea what nervous could be like. I feel as though I'm relapsing, as if the past few days of what I could call happiness (even though I'm not) didn't even happen.

And I still don't know what to do.

Despite finals, Decemberish nonsense that I know you're all dealing with, and other miscellaneous crap, I hope your days have been a thousand times better than mine. With luck, I'll speak again soon, and I'll have good news.

Comments

[red-comet01.livejournal.com]

"With luck, I'll speak again soon, and I'll have good news."
Hope that time comes quickly. Hang in there, OK?

[raspberrysorbet.livejournal.com]

Man, I have no idea what's going on, but I'm here for you (as well as a faceless internet person can be here for you). I really wish you'd give details, but I know it's selfish of me to ask that of you when you're obviously not ready for it. I just don't know how to help when I don't know what's going on. :( I mean, who knows if I could help, but ..man, I dunno. I'm just really worried about you. :(

[buboniclou.livejournal.com]

*glomp* I was worried about you there. Still am. I wanted to call but I didn't think you'd pick up.

I got you a Christmas present today. I hope it makes your day marginally better when it gets there.

[archaic-sage.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you don't want a ton of sympathy messages, so I'm not going to go on about how everything can be great and all that. All I'm here to say is if you want someone to talk to then I'm here, even if I am on the other side of the planet.

[maverickjs.livejournal.com]

A sword wields no strength unless the hand that holds it has courage.

We will be Waiting.

[om-nom-berries.livejournal.com]

:(

raspberrysorbet said a lot of what I was feeling but couldn't put into words.

[raspberrysorbet.livejournal.com]

oh my..

Have you see this: http://aang-aint-white.livejournal.com/profile

[tru-chan-speaks.livejournal.com]

:)