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WTF, am I 45 already?
I just beat my still shiny-new record (i.e., it has NOT been another nineteen years), with one hundred fifty-nine lines. Oh yeah. Sadly, Tetris has lost its magic (which I tried to recapture just now. No dice), as I learned this morning: when I woke up from a dream, I tried to get myself back to sleep with the game, but once again, they were all I could think about. Makes sense, considering she (and actually her, not dream-person-who's-supposed-to-be-her) was in the dream. It was brief, but I dreamt that she was showing me her wedding bouquet, and when I asked to see him, she wouldn't let me.
I realized I'm using pronouns because people I have no respect for don't deserve to be called by their names. I hate, though, that people I have no respect for are controlling me so much. o_o#
I couldn't go back to sleep after the dream (I dozed lightly, enough to not keep my eyes open but know that my dad turned the TV off because he thought I was asleep), and I spent a few hours tossing and turning. Michele safely got home from Israel this morning and called me before noon. She did as much as she could for me. ♥ We were talking for nearly four hours before jet lag caught up with her and she went to sleep (or to nap, I hope).
I'm growing skinnier every day. I used to complain about how huge my thighs were, and now I'm frightened that they're not there. They don't touch anymore, when I stand with my feet together, and I've lost three inches everywhere (meh, I needed to get new bras anyway). My ribs are starting to show, which is REALLY GROSS. I can't wait to find a bathroom scale; I wouldn't be surprised if I've lost fifteen pounds. I may drop below a hundred before this is all over (I'll laugh).
Did I mention how much I HATE that this is controlling me? But I can't seem to let go. I found a piece of paper with his handwriting on it today -- from a class he took last year -- and I nearly lost it. I hate the instability.
Through![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
capslock_atla, I found a new community, iconvos. It's fun, and might inspire me to fill my four empty spots (BUT WITH WHAT!).
I'm supposed to hang out with Lynda tomorrow, but she got called for jury duty starting tomorrow. I hope her name gets called first thing and then she spews the most racist and sexist nonsense ever so the day can be salvaged. I don't like being so selfish, but I lost today. I need to hang out with people, to have that distraction, or I'm going to go crazy. Michele's phone call saved me; I might have done if not for her superb timing.
Mommy's gone to the store to get me benadryl; maybe it'll help me sleep through the night instead of my now-usual five-hours-or-less. I was hoping I'd be able to get to sleep naturally, and not rely on anything. This really isn't healthy. D: I can't wait until this is over, one way or another (P.S., five days later, no phone calls, texts, e-mails, messages, nothing. Some friend, huh?).
In the meantime, I'm gonna try to take a nap. =_=
I realized I'm using pronouns because people I have no respect for don't deserve to be called by their names. I hate, though, that people I have no respect for are controlling me so much. o_o#
I couldn't go back to sleep after the dream (I dozed lightly, enough to not keep my eyes open but know that my dad turned the TV off because he thought I was asleep), and I spent a few hours tossing and turning. Michele safely got home from Israel this morning and called me before noon. She did as much as she could for me. ♥ We were talking for nearly four hours before jet lag caught up with her and she went to sleep (or to nap, I hope).
I'm growing skinnier every day. I used to complain about how huge my thighs were, and now I'm frightened that they're not there. They don't touch anymore, when I stand with my feet together, and I've lost three inches everywhere (meh, I needed to get new bras anyway). My ribs are starting to show, which is REALLY GROSS. I can't wait to find a bathroom scale; I wouldn't be surprised if I've lost fifteen pounds. I may drop below a hundred before this is all over (I'll laugh).
Did I mention how much I HATE that this is controlling me? But I can't seem to let go. I found a piece of paper with his handwriting on it today -- from a class he took last year -- and I nearly lost it. I hate the instability.
Through
capslock_atla, I found a new community, iconvos. It's fun, and might inspire me to fill my four empty spots (BUT WITH WHAT!).I'm supposed to hang out with Lynda tomorrow, but she got called for jury duty starting tomorrow. I hope her name gets called first thing and then she spews the most racist and sexist nonsense ever so the day can be salvaged. I don't like being so selfish, but I lost today. I need to hang out with people, to have that distraction, or I'm going to go crazy. Michele's phone call saved me; I might have done if not for her superb timing.
Mommy's gone to the store to get me benadryl; maybe it'll help me sleep through the night instead of my now-usual five-hours-or-less. I was hoping I'd be able to get to sleep naturally, and not rely on anything. This really isn't healthy. D: I can't wait until this is over, one way or another (P.S., five days later, no phone calls, texts, e-mails, messages, nothing. Some friend, huh?).
In the meantime, I'm gonna try to take a nap. =_=
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