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Slowly, maybe. Perhaps.
Dec. 21st, 2008 11:52 pmFirst of all, my mother is awesome. She has let me cry on her shoulder -- sometimes literally -- for the past three nights, gotten me broth and tea to ease my stomach, and let me sleep nearby in case I needed her in the middle of the night (I slept through the past two nights, but I'm chalking that to pure exhaustion). However, it did break my heart this morning when she heard me crying in the shower. The minute I came out, she was there waiting for me, and swept me up in a hug, crying as well. "Don't cry for me, Mommy," I said, and I think that just made her worse. "You're hurting, baby, so I'm hurting, too." You may never ever see this, Mommy, but I love you so much, you have no idea.
That's the only good thing I can say this mess has brought about: since I let my mother know what was going on, I've been speaking to her every day. I've watched TV with her, and eaten with her, and laughed with her, and it feels so good to come home and know that someone will always care for me. ♥ Mommy's said that no matter what happens, I'll survive, I'll make it through. That may be, but she never said that I'd do it in once piece. If that's the case, maybe she can help put them back together.
As I mentioned last time, and alluded to a paragraph and a half ago, I've not been feeling well the past few days. Yes, there was the shivering and the not eating, which I'm sure had contributed to it, but the bad news had gotten worse, and that probably pushed it over the edge. I was miserable all day Friday, and I had to call out of work yesterday. I almost got sent home today, but I insisted that I stay, and that Sandy not get called in to relieve me. Well, at least I got to stay. Sandy wound up teaching a few production-type things, which took my mind off of my troubles.
Also, I managed some apples and grapes for breakfast, which turned out to be just what I needed. Today's was actually one of the fastest shifts I've ever worked -- even if it was eight hours! -- and I was almost sad that it ended. Sandy, Jen and I were in the back learning and teaching, Bobby came in around three, and John as I left. I also called Shaina (aka Best Friend) on my break. I wanted to know when she was available during the week, and while she's working through Christmas Day, she was available today, so I met her in Bayside after work.
Jayson, her son, has gotten HUGE since the last time I saw him. Granted, that was a year and a half ago. Still. He's walking and starting to talk and doesn't look like a girl now that he's gotten a haircut. He dances to his uncle's music, and has learned, with my help, how to throw things across the room. He likes putting on shoes and closing doors. He's adorable, and from what I hear from everyone, will likely be an awesome big brother. Shaina's brothers are also doing well for themselves, and I couldn't be happier to hear it, since I watched those boys grow up. They were smaller than me, once upon a time!
Danny, Shaina's BFF since they were in the womb, was also there, and today happened to be his birthday. Shaina's mom and... uh, what exactly IS Bryan?, plus the three of us went to a bar for a couple of hours. I didn't do much but stare at the floor and watch the Giants game (actually, did Carolina win? Cuz I saw them make that FG with less than two minutes to go), but I ended up having *a* beer and some flan. See, because it was Danny's birthday, Bryan got the waiters to sing -- and play! -- the birthday song to him, and they gave him a sombrero and some flan. The flan was so amazing and I don't even like flan! I kind of... had one... for myself. >.>;
But yeah, I was pretty bummed most of the time. I did all this today, but let's make this clear: I'm not better by any stretch. I feel like I'm getting closer to letting everyone know what happened -- believe me, it's one of those things that you're gonna be like ">.o Oh. I wish I didn't know that, now." -- but not just yet. Of course, that might have been my biggest mistake... I don't know.
It's cold, I'm tired, I've got the day off tomorrow, and my mother is the most amazing woman I know (also, Whitney Houston has some sad fucking songs and they need to stop playing that shit at work). That's all that matters right now. I love you, Mommy, a thousand times more than you know. ♥
That's the only good thing I can say this mess has brought about: since I let my mother know what was going on, I've been speaking to her every day. I've watched TV with her, and eaten with her, and laughed with her, and it feels so good to come home and know that someone will always care for me. ♥ Mommy's said that no matter what happens, I'll survive, I'll make it through. That may be, but she never said that I'd do it in once piece. If that's the case, maybe she can help put them back together.
As I mentioned last time, and alluded to a paragraph and a half ago, I've not been feeling well the past few days. Yes, there was the shivering and the not eating, which I'm sure had contributed to it, but the bad news had gotten worse, and that probably pushed it over the edge. I was miserable all day Friday, and I had to call out of work yesterday. I almost got sent home today, but I insisted that I stay, and that Sandy not get called in to relieve me. Well, at least I got to stay. Sandy wound up teaching a few production-type things, which took my mind off of my troubles.
Also, I managed some apples and grapes for breakfast, which turned out to be just what I needed. Today's was actually one of the fastest shifts I've ever worked -- even if it was eight hours! -- and I was almost sad that it ended. Sandy, Jen and I were in the back learning and teaching, Bobby came in around three, and John as I left. I also called Shaina (aka Best Friend) on my break. I wanted to know when she was available during the week, and while she's working through Christmas Day, she was available today, so I met her in Bayside after work.
Jayson, her son, has gotten HUGE since the last time I saw him. Granted, that was a year and a half ago. Still. He's walking and starting to talk and doesn't look like a girl now that he's gotten a haircut. He dances to his uncle's music, and has learned, with my help, how to throw things across the room. He likes putting on shoes and closing doors. He's adorable, and from what I hear from everyone, will likely be an awesome big brother. Shaina's brothers are also doing well for themselves, and I couldn't be happier to hear it, since I watched those boys grow up. They were smaller than me, once upon a time!
Danny, Shaina's BFF since they were in the womb, was also there, and today happened to be his birthday. Shaina's mom and... uh, what exactly IS Bryan?, plus the three of us went to a bar for a couple of hours. I didn't do much but stare at the floor and watch the Giants game (actually, did Carolina win? Cuz I saw them make that FG with less than two minutes to go), but I ended up having *a* beer and some flan. See, because it was Danny's birthday, Bryan got the waiters to sing -- and play! -- the birthday song to him, and they gave him a sombrero and some flan. The flan was so amazing and I don't even like flan! I kind of... had one... for myself. >.>;
But yeah, I was pretty bummed most of the time. I did all this today, but let's make this clear: I'm not better by any stretch. I feel like I'm getting closer to letting everyone know what happened -- believe me, it's one of those things that you're gonna be like ">.o Oh. I wish I didn't know that, now." -- but not just yet. Of course, that might have been my biggest mistake... I don't know.
It's cold, I'm tired, I've got the day off tomorrow, and my mother is the most amazing woman I know (also, Whitney Houston has some sad fucking songs and they need to stop playing that shit at work). That's all that matters right now. I love you, Mommy, a thousand times more than you know. ♥
