It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

And by that, of course, I mean "be a downer during Christmas." I might as well: it's not like I like or even celebrate Christmas, and I'm a pessimist to boot. I'm kinda perfect for this.

So every time I think I'm going to be a day or two away from sharing, I receive word of an interesting development that either knocks me down a few pegs, or just makes me think. Obviously, today's setback falls in the latter category, since I'm not short with words.

Overall, it's been a solid month since I first got notice of this calamity, and, try as I might, I keep failing to escape it (or fight through it). I'm still crying, and it's arguable if I've gotten any better at all. And for all I've done hiding it, people at work have started to notice that I've not been myself for a while, and I "look so down," as one of them put it (another observed "whatever's wrong is killing [me]"), that they've even started to avoid me and keep necessary conversations as brief as possible.

Never have I felt so incredibly alone, despite my near-absolute dependence on my mother.

Next week, the new year arrives (and if you didn't get my message, _lysia_, I got your card. Thank you so much!), and it's gonna be different, to say the least. I hope that your wishes for me pull through, _lysia_, because I could really use a good year. This one started out poorly, was made of suck all along, and seems like it'll end worse than it started: better would very much be welcome.

Completely unrelatedly, I can NOT find my keys.