![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I've said I was sick of talking, but....
I was talking to Lynda for nearly an hour. She read my last post and asked how I was doing. Quite unwell, as you'll notice, if you read that post. There was fifteen minutes of that, then forty minutes -- she just skipped off to play WoW -- of ... my suspicion... of the real reason behind all this nonsense (and there's a very good possibility that I'm wrong, because I'm not sharp like that. But these pieces seem to fit together a little too well, in my head, anyway, deny it all he wants).
Because Lynda's my oldest friend, and because she's had certain experiences, I'm able to tell her things that I can't really tell anyone else (sorry). She was mostly quiet during the conversation -- which is amazing, because as much as I love her, she is forever interjecting and interrupting and not letting me get a word in -- and I just kept going. It ... felt good, I guess.
And sure, she's a little biased for me, but she wasn't judging. At least not in the IM.
I'm still going through mood swings: I'm still getting unnecessarily angry at the wrong people (and way too angry over little shit to boot), still feeling listless at work, still crying in bed and/or missing sleep, don't get me wrong. But what we spoke about... it felt like it was right. It makes me feel better, in a way (because it's a pretty fucked up thing), to say it.
I can't help but wonder what my suffering will be worth one day, how good!karma is going to come in and rescue me and swing things around (and I'm a very unhappy person, so good!karma OWES me). I didn't do anything wrong, and so I have nothing to worry about. ... Right?
Maybe, for that same neutrality, it's high time to consider a doctor? At the least, (s)he'd be the one other person I could mention anything to....
I didn't think I was going to post today. I had dreams this morning, but they quickly fizzled in the morning sun (like a Poe!), and work was lame and uneventful. Yet, here I am, though it's nearly midnight, so I should probably call it an evening. Cheers.
I was talking to Lynda for nearly an hour. She read my last post and asked how I was doing. Quite unwell, as you'll notice, if you read that post. There was fifteen minutes of that, then forty minutes -- she just skipped off to play WoW -- of ... my suspicion... of the real reason behind all this nonsense (and there's a very good possibility that I'm wrong, because I'm not sharp like that. But these pieces seem to fit together a little too well, in my head, anyway, deny it all he wants).
Because Lynda's my oldest friend, and because she's had certain experiences, I'm able to tell her things that I can't really tell anyone else (sorry). She was mostly quiet during the conversation -- which is amazing, because as much as I love her, she is forever interjecting and interrupting and not letting me get a word in -- and I just kept going. It ... felt good, I guess.
And sure, she's a little biased for me, but she wasn't judging. At least not in the IM.
I'm still going through mood swings: I'm still getting unnecessarily angry at the wrong people (and way too angry over little shit to boot), still feeling listless at work, still crying in bed and/or missing sleep, don't get me wrong. But what we spoke about... it felt like it was right. It makes me feel better, in a way (because it's a pretty fucked up thing), to say it.
I can't help but wonder what my suffering will be worth one day, how good!karma is going to come in and rescue me and swing things around (and I'm a very unhappy person, so good!karma OWES me). I didn't do anything wrong, and so I have nothing to worry about. ... Right?
Maybe, for that same neutrality, it's high time to consider a doctor? At the least, (s)he'd be the one other person I could mention anything to....
I didn't think I was going to post today. I had dreams this morning, but they quickly fizzled in the morning sun (like a Poe!), and work was lame and uneventful. Yet, here I am, though it's nearly midnight, so I should probably call it an evening. Cheers.
