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First, the following was stolen from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ahvia because I'm bored and lame, and I needed a distraction.
( Meme #2 )
So now my day at work. It was smooth sailing until about twelve-thirty or so when Flores handed me my evaluation. I looked it over and was not happy. The review was favorable, overall. If it were a report card, I would have passed. I wouldn't have been praised for it, though.
Karen's -- Flores' -- problem with me is that I don't do everything I could, but what I AM doing, I do well. She said she wants to see me take more initiative and better my customer service. I tried to explain my position, trying to show her why I do (or don't do) the things I do (or don't do) the way I do them (or don't do them). I don't know if she misunderstood me intentionally, or if what I was saying came out wrong, but she seemed like she thought I was being defensive and combative. That's NOT what I wanted to happen. I just wanted a chance to explain myself -- and not ask for a change in any of her evaluations -- but that didn't quite work.
So when asked about what I could do for initiative, I was told that I could keep the store looking a little better. She's told me that time and again, but I think things look fine. I just don't see everything the way she does, and I tried explaining that, but no dice. And that's when she pulled rank on me. D: D: D: I disagreed with something she said, and she actually said, "I'm the manager." All she needed to do was say "and I'm telling." at the end of that. Sigh. -_-#
Maybe, I figured, I was saying something wrong. I tried starting my comments by humbling myself, saying something like "Well, I don't mean this in a bad way, if it seems like it, but..." or "I think I know what you're saying. Is this what you mean?" or something that would soften the blow, make me seem inferior, or whatever. BUT IT DIDN'T WORK.
How do you tell someone her opinion is wrong? How do you get someone to see things the way you see them just by pulling rank? WTF? And I didn't even mean it to come out like I was angry with the review, I just wanted explanation in more detail than three lines allowed.
God, Sanrio's fucked up.
To make things worse, I couldn't even ask about the things I wanted to ask about, like vacation, or if I'm going to get a new 401(k) package in the mail, or Karla and Nicole's wages, or any of the other things I had ready to go. Who knows when I'm gonna see this woman again? I was so angry, that when I did get around to busying myself (with nothing more than busy work, just to look like I was doing something), Evie asked me what was wrong -- I'm honestly surprised it took so long, because when Flores left and Evie was on the floor, I bolted for the bathroom and cried in frustration. My eyes and face were bright red. How did she and Nicole not notice? -- and I broke. I couldn't stand it! How could someone be so... deaf?
It went a little better after that, but my perfectionistic tendencies were letting the review get to me. Why didn't I do better? And why did I only get an E instead of an O (dude, it's like an O.W.L., I swear!) for attendance?! Attendance is the ONE THING I know I've gotten right in the past sixteen months. Aside of the one act of FUCKING GOD, I've been to work for every scheduled shift. Aside of transit being stupid a handful of times, I've been on time.
At the same time, I don't care. My marks averaged to an A (an O.W.L., I'm so serious), but since it's Acceptable, it's good enough, isn't it? I mean, I'm not in immediate danger of losing my job (let's see about Saturday), so why should I care? I'm good enough.
At the same time, it's such an easy thing to do. Why can't I do it correctly? AUGH INNER TURMOIL.
WHERE IS PHILL I WANT MY ICE CREAM GODDAMMIT.
ahvia because I'm bored and lame, and I needed a distraction.( Meme #2 )
So now my day at work. It was smooth sailing until about twelve-thirty or so when Flores handed me my evaluation. I looked it over and was not happy. The review was favorable, overall. If it were a report card, I would have passed. I wouldn't have been praised for it, though.
Karen's -- Flores' -- problem with me is that I don't do everything I could, but what I AM doing, I do well. She said she wants to see me take more initiative and better my customer service. I tried to explain my position, trying to show her why I do (or don't do) the things I do (or don't do) the way I do them (or don't do them). I don't know if she misunderstood me intentionally, or if what I was saying came out wrong, but she seemed like she thought I was being defensive and combative. That's NOT what I wanted to happen. I just wanted a chance to explain myself -- and not ask for a change in any of her evaluations -- but that didn't quite work.
So when asked about what I could do for initiative, I was told that I could keep the store looking a little better. She's told me that time and again, but I think things look fine. I just don't see everything the way she does, and I tried explaining that, but no dice. And that's when she pulled rank on me. D: D: D: I disagreed with something she said, and she actually said, "I'm the manager." All she needed to do was say "and I'm telling." at the end of that. Sigh. -_-#
Maybe, I figured, I was saying something wrong. I tried starting my comments by humbling myself, saying something like "Well, I don't mean this in a bad way, if it seems like it, but..." or "I think I know what you're saying. Is this what you mean?" or something that would soften the blow, make me seem inferior, or whatever. BUT IT DIDN'T WORK.
How do you tell someone her opinion is wrong? How do you get someone to see things the way you see them just by pulling rank? WTF? And I didn't even mean it to come out like I was angry with the review, I just wanted explanation in more detail than three lines allowed.
God, Sanrio's fucked up.
To make things worse, I couldn't even ask about the things I wanted to ask about, like vacation, or if I'm going to get a new 401(k) package in the mail, or Karla and Nicole's wages, or any of the other things I had ready to go. Who knows when I'm gonna see this woman again? I was so angry, that when I did get around to busying myself (with nothing more than busy work, just to look like I was doing something), Evie asked me what was wrong -- I'm honestly surprised it took so long, because when Flores left and Evie was on the floor, I bolted for the bathroom and cried in frustration. My eyes and face were bright red. How did she and Nicole not notice? -- and I broke. I couldn't stand it! How could someone be so... deaf?
It went a little better after that, but my perfectionistic tendencies were letting the review get to me. Why didn't I do better? And why did I only get an E instead of an O (dude, it's like an O.W.L., I swear!) for attendance?! Attendance is the ONE THING I know I've gotten right in the past sixteen months. Aside of the one act of FUCKING GOD, I've been to work for every scheduled shift. Aside of transit being stupid a handful of times, I've been on time.
At the same time, I don't care. My marks averaged to an A (an O.W.L., I'm so serious), but since it's Acceptable, it's good enough, isn't it? I mean, I'm not in immediate danger of losing my job (let's see about Saturday), so why should I care? I'm good enough.
At the same time, it's such an easy thing to do. Why can't I do it correctly? AUGH INNER TURMOIL.
WHERE IS PHILL I WANT MY ICE CREAM GODDAMMIT.
